Artistic Footprint

On my most recent trip to Toronto, I was confronted on Queen street by CityTV. Apparently, they’re “everywhere” and somehow I was in the “where” that they were at that particular time, christmas shopping with my little sister. They asked me if I would like to be on T.V. naturally I declined, assuming I would have nothing of interest to say. Then they mentioned “It’s about Tiger Woods” I mashed my hands together and said “where do I start?”

Tiger woods is an “athlete” if you could call golf a sport that raises your heartbeat (which it doesn’t) but regardless, he is the highest paid man to be in some sort of a ball, club, score… “sport” and in doing so, naturally, he’s reaped the rewards of such an honour by sleeping with somewhere near 20 women, and now his marriage and family are in jeopardy for obvious reasons.

Sidenote: have you seen the cover of Vanity Fair Magazine? Not that I fucking care because I don’t even know what the fuck that magazine is about, I just giggle to myself at all of the magazines in the line at the nearest safeway. But it appears that Tiger is making the best of his situation by appearing as badass as he can by being topless (and I mean that in the most feminine way possible), all in black and white, with a gangster black toque on, as if he’s about to loot the nearest wal-mart for some upper-body attire. Did anyone notice that he doesn’t look like much of an athlete? Interesting note number one.

Sportscasters from TSN all the way down to the tabloids have always written Tiger up as the goody toe shoes Black Guy who clearly doesn’t fit the stereotype. A role model for everyone to follow in. A man who can make success out of a skillful (albeit NOT adrenaline driven, heart pounding, nor tachycardic) sport and get rich. VERY rich.  And now all of a sudden, his life explodes in his face. 17 women claim to have carnal knowledge with Tiger. His wife I’m sure might be a little bit edgy.

But come the fuck on. He’s Tiger fucking Woods. He’s a Billionaire. He’s clearly not a monogynous man. Regardless of how the media tried to portray him as a nice guy, he was a sex-a-holic from the start. His wife knew, his friends knew, He knew. The issue here is that the hide-odourous media wanted to profit off of his countless acts of adultery in order to sell magazines. And look at the turmoil that it stirred. He lost all his sponsors and is now revolting himself to Vanity Fair.

Now where have we seen this before? Oh yea Bill Clinton. The fucking President of the United States. Look. This dude OWNED THE FREE WORLD. What this guy wanted, happened. And he got a BJ from an unnatractive desk clerk. What did we get? George Bush and a couple new punch lines from the latest comedians.

Fuck man. Sex Happens. Just like Shit Happens. The interesting thing here is that: Golf is a focus-driven sport. Tiger probably got his focus by putting his penis in women. Clinton didn’t even get to bone! Clearly Hilary wasn’t putting out, But he got something that most people get on a pretty rad night in Vegas or Whistler. Does this make them a worse golf player or president? what the fuck? is that even a question? And why didn’t either of these guys pull the addiction card like David Duchovny? If Tiger said: “yea? what do you want. I love women and I’m addicted to sex!” Complete repercussion reversal. He’d have more women lined up. Problem. Solved. It’s not like he cared about his family while he was having those other 20 affairs anyways.

This is a pure example of our true values in celebrities. That’s right, Celebrities. This is it’s own industry, people. Sports players, musicians, and actrices are in the same boat as Politicians and their lives are only as true as the ignorant stupid fucking tabloid writers make them to be. The White House is just like the Monarchy of the United Kingdom. A fucking tourist attraction. And yet, somehow, they are in charge of this world we call free. They’ve got the nuclear codes and control of the free world, but all that Enquire magazine can write about is their sex life or cellulite scars.

-makes for an entertaining read though.

http://www.ted.com/talks/alisa_miller_shares_the_news_about_the_news.html